


Chair-Mates Suck I Promise

by AphTeavana



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe- High School, Alternate Universe- Human, Awkward Boners, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Gay Keith (Voltron), Good Lotor (Voltron), Human Lotor (Voltron), Human Shay (Voltron), I call it Little Keith lmao, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) is a Dork, Lance (Voltron) is a Ray of Sunshine, Lance (Voltron) just sits there, Lap dancing, M/M, PINING KEITH, Pining Keith (Voltron), Teacher Coran (Voltron), Teacher Haggar (Voltron), To Be Edited, Twerking, and you cannot tell me differently, it started with sharing seats, like gay gay, maybe..., sharing is caring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 12:04:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14236896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AphTeavana/pseuds/AphTeavana
Summary: Keith isn't having any good afternoons anymore, because someone (i.e. Lance) is a little shit and Keith is just a simple and smol gay. What more can he say?(Besides the fact that he does in fact enjoy his afternoons)





	1. Lance, Get Your Own Damn Chair

**Author's Note:**

> Shiro has his fleshy arm and the fandom's infamous Kill Me personality, Lance is fashionable and does what he wants, like cuddles with people bc I can and people are actually happy :) take notes DreamWorks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or, the one where the space family all hang out together after school and there’s never enough seats in the portable classrooms.
> 
> Or or, three times Lance needs a place to sit and the one time he doesn’t. Then one time he wants it anyway.

To say that today's afternoon is bad for just this particular reason would mean to say that every afternoon is bad. They're not. Listen, Keith can admit he's just being a touch overdramatic (wonder who he got that from, har har) but this is starting to become pure torture. Kinda.

Lance's ass is flat, ugly, and becoming a huge problem, okay, _that bitch_. He is the one at fault here. Definitely not Keith, no.

This school year, every day, Monday through Thursday, after school, in Room 1563, there're never enough seats. Ever since the school board decided to change things up Coran had to move out of the main building and into the small portables where he's been low on good seating ever since then. He was able to keep a couple of the old single-chaired desks but now he mostly just has long rectangular desks that barely can fit up to six people. And that's if you're crowding around.

That wouldn't be much of a problem on its own but there's seven of them if Coran wants to roll over in his wheely chair and chat with them. Which is what he always does and everyone wants him to as their favourite fake-family uncle. So now one of them either has to sit back or share a seat with someone else. Which brings us to our predicament of Senior Year.

How can one put this in the most nicest way possible- Lance's ass is both boney beyond life and late as fuck. As usual. So in the beginning of the school year, of course he's the one who ended up with the boot, but since he is also the manipulative tactical genius he is, Lance was able to score himself a seat with Keith.

"I may be small but I submit to no one." Pidge had said, shoving Lance off her shoulders and really anyone can see why Matt rather take the lonely bus ride home. Lance would kill for some alone time in his own damn house.

Lance whined, "Oh my god, Pidge. It's a seat! Allura?" He finger gunned at her.

"Nah." She gunned back at him with a sly click then returns to her phone.

He faked a heartbroken pout but turned around to wink at Shiro, "Shiro, baby!"

Unfortunately, he doesn’t budge, "As a begrudgingly responsible Dad I need to have my own Dad Time Tm." Pidge snorted at him and Allura lifted a brow but continued at her internet spree.

"Did you really say that out loud, Shiro?" Shiro looks Keith in the eye as he pulls out another energy drink from his otherwise empty backpack.

"Keith, you're grounded."

"What? Hey!"

Lance groans loudly, breaking up their petty squabbles, "Aw, c'mon, _c'mon_. I'm just little ol' Lancy Lance, a small baby who can't hurt nobody." Lance slumps onto what little table space there was, on the corner between Coran and Allura. He tries to turn his signature pout on anyone who'd look him in the eyes.

"Lance you can't get enough of c'mon." Pidge cuts in. Hunk chuckles at her.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. C'mon. C’mon-"

Keith gives up and scoots his chair back from the long table."Oh my god, Lance, just sit with me.”

"Yes! Thank you my favorite Keithy Boi." Ah, yes Keith, and what a smart and powerful genius he is. Thus, Lance the Horrid Mastermind now has a place right in Keith's lap.

Okay but seriously, that's not to say they're not good friends. They're all best friends in fact. Yes, even with his, long dropped, supposed ‘rival’. You don't spend four years with the same seven people doing ridiculously stupid and crazy shit and not become best friends. Trust me, Keith has tried. He never knew the homo sapien could be so determined before these weirdos dragged him out of his preferred 'Fuck-People Zone'.

So, Lance sitting in his lap isn't exactly that weird nowadays. Lance is a touchy person, he'll hold hands with Hunk or Allura, cuddles with Pidge and Matt on movie nights, leans on Shiro and him when he's sleepy. Keith's used to it by now and this wasn't much different. Besides, Keith, while still a teenager influenced by many horrible hormones, can keep his cool just fine thank you. They're all friends, just doing a little homework, a lot more of their weird daily hobbies, and hanging out. Just because he has a guy with a bony ass and nice face sitting on his lap doesn't mean he needs to gay out.

He’s not going to go gay. That’s lame. He’s not some kind of cringy twelve year old, alright.

-

“Buenos Dias, muchachalatas!” Lance slams into the room, the poor door flung wide open.

“Ayyy, mi bootas!” And as always, Shiro is the first one here. Lance giggles at his horrid attempt to Spanish.

Lance dropped his bag down on the table closest to the door where everyone else's junk is set down with a laugh. “I’m not a boot Shiro, but close enough.”

Shiro sticks his tongue out at him, “Well, it’s not the morning either! Go suck a big one, Lance.” Coran reaches over the entire table to whack Shiro with his papers, leaving Allura to giggle and Lance to haughtily flip him the bird. No one talks about Coran’s second favorite like that!

Shiro just shakes his head at everything and crushes his empty drink on his forehead. “It's like my _soul_.” He declares dramatically. The fucking nerd.

He’s quickly ignored as a smol gremlin takes Lance’s attention. “Lance get over here.” Pidge calls out to him by chucking a giant partially drunken water bottle at his head with a yeet, “We’re not done with our game.” He glides over to the back table where they always sit as a group.

Hunk and Coran sit at the long table’s two ends, left of Hunk is Shiro, right is Pidge. For Coran left Keith, and right Allura. Shiro and Allura share one side across Keith and Pidge. Lance stops in front of Keith and shoos him back a little. With an exaggerated eye roll full of fake attitude he slides back and lets Lance make himself home on top of him.

Pretty soon they're all back into the swing of things and Pidge pulls out her specialty cards and starts shuffling them on the table surface like a two year old. She decided she had enough of Allura cheating on the last game anyway.

She huffs with a flared hair flip, “I did not! You're just being pissy because you were losing Pidge and you know it.”

“Fuck you, I do what I want.” Pidge says as she pretends that Hunk isn’t taking the cards from her and fixing them up so they were actually usable.

“Language Katie.” Shiro flicks a can tab at her. She blows a raspberry at him in teenage anarchy.

Soon enough Hunk finishes dealing them out to everyone that wants to play and flicks the tab back at Shiro. “It's not a phase mom.”

They play a hard game of their version of Go Fish mixed with a little bit of Poker aesthetic, which they like to appropriately call Suck My Dick, for a while. Allura came up with the idea and Coran just sighed and shook his head at the ridiculousness of it all.

Lance cards his hand through his hair. “Fold.” He starts throwing his shitty cards in the middle one by one.

Pidge waggles a finger at him, “Nu-uh-uh, that's not how you leave the game, McClain. You know better.” Lance twists his wrist to send his last good card at her face via air travel, making her bat at him.

“It doesn't even make sense if we're basing this off Fish, but whatever. You guys can officially suck my dick. I'm here, queer, and ready when you are.” Hunk picks up the card that dropped to the floor and sends it flying back. Lance ignores it for sitting back against Keith's chest. Keith wraps his arm around Lance and lets his hand sit on his waist.

Pidge snootily sticks her nose up at them playfully, “Ew, you two take your gayfest somewhere else please.” Keith chucks his own card at her head as best he can by he has to do it over Lance’s head. It barely makes a scrap past her.

Lance leans his head on top of Keith's and cuddles into him further, “What are you talking about Pidge? We're just two bros, chilling zero feet apart because we're best friends.”

She scoffs at him, “Bullshit. Look at two all over each other. If Lance’s shirt wasn't tucked into his high waisted mom jeans-” Lance whines, “then you'd definitely be feeling him up right now.” Keith scoffed back at her. He has higher standards okay.

“It's not gay if we're on the moon Pidge.”

“We're not on the moon, Keith! What the fuck?” The duo break into snickers at her.

The game continues between Pidge, Hunk, Allura, and Coran. Shiro feasts upon another death syrup concoction and pretends not to steal from the money pile. Lance gets more comfortable on Keith's lap and he does the same in return. They pretend that all sound has been lost to the wind for the ways of each human life every time Pidge playfully calls gay at them every five seconds.

_'Oh yeah, I forgot about my homosexual tendencies! Thanks, you little gremlin. Who knows what could have happened there, huh?'_

“Fucking gays... killing my salads, closing down my JC pennies, ruining the economy!” Pidge mutters at them like she was some elderly baby boomer. “Just you wait until you’re my age. All old and fucked up.” Pidge, you’re the  _youngest_  but alrighty Misses I-Skipped-Fourth-Grade.

Okay, but seriously, it’s only been like two months so far. How is Keith supposed to do this for the rest of the school year? Lance is heavier than he looks and Keith can't feel his toes. Plus Pidge may or may not be right about not being on the moon.

-

There’s a fist that pound on the table and a nasty ass snort, “Lance please, sit your ugly ass down.” He doesn’t, instead continuing his monstrosity. “I will literally fucking kill you.” He’s doing what looks like stupid people yoga.

“This is chai tea up-down.” He jumps up into another weird pose. “This position is great with that ten dollar Noah Sliced Mango you can get at Trader Joe’s.” Aluura whips her head back and grouses somewhere deep in her soul. Hunk tries to shush them all. Keith snorts at Allura, knowing exactly where this conversation was going. Way down south. In deep, deep Hell.

“You are so full of it.” She calls at Lance, “I bet you even think your ass is thick. Spoiler alert: it’s not.”

He gasps, “What are you talking about? My ass is as fine as freshly mown grass!” Horrified screaming consumes all but more importantly scares the shit out of everyone. They all look at Pidge.

She wasn't even looking up from her phone. No blinking or an expression on her face. She didn't even look like she was paying any attention to them. Just, screaming.

Allura starts to wheeze hard and Coran stares at Lance over the stack of papers he was grading with a Look. Hunk was trying to continue his call to Shay and sighed in relief when Pidge finally stopped. “Awful, all of you.” They brush him off with smiles.

Lance turns back to ultimate-bae, “Aw c’mon, my twerking is spot on!” Allura couldn't hold it in any longer and she busts out some weird kind of mutant sniggering and Lance soon joins her despite his ego. It’s not long before they started to sound delirious like the giggly sons of bitches they are. Pidge swats at Lance and tries to kick Allura from under the table but her efforts are as futile as always. Their combined power is just too must for her to take on by herself.

Hunk silently throws a wad of paper at the both of them and mumbles something to his phone before lifting it away from his ear and placing it on his chest, away from his mouth. “Y’all nasty. Stay away. I didn't want any of this!” Hunk yells, Shiro stops sipping his Red-whatever to help and join in on the ball wads with him.

Lance is very determined to turn the tide in his ridiculous favour. He ignores the mountains paper being propelled at him in geticide and whips around to his chairmate, “Keith let me give you a lap dance- the fuck.” Pidge starts screaming again much louder, but this time she actually looks terrified as she pushes her body towards Hunk, desperately trying to escape. He pushes her away, not giving her the satisfaction after she ruined his conversation with his girlfriend. She may still be looking at whatever was on her phone but she was terrified nonetheless. Slight laughing could be heard from Hunk’s phone.

Hunk takes a few seconds to listen to the receiver before groaning to himself. He moves his phone to the table and sets it on speaker. Shay’s voice carries out in a very supportive manner, “Lance, drop that ass down the floor! Give the club a good show.” Lance instantly gives a fergalicious body roll with a squat that sends everyone into a laughing frenzy. He moves that booty closely to Keith’s thighs. Keith is, quite literally, choking. He’s barely able to process what’s happening right on top of him as he pushes at Lance’s dumb ass. The dumbass now rubbing himself on Keith with a long sensual motion.

Lance was able to get a couple seconds more of grinding in before Keith has finally managed to pull himself back together again. “Oh my god,  _no_.” Keith pushes himself far away from all this, taking the chair with him. Allura’s cracking up and pretty soon she’s up and standing with Lance and they start singing the Nae Nae together.

Pidge is smashing her face into the table, “Delete me. I beg of you all.”

“You’re not apart of a computer, number five. You’ll have to wait a few more centuries for that one.” Coran twirls his mustashe like this was a typical Tuesday. Probably is.

Someone, either Lance or Allura, had pulled their phone out and now My Anaconda Don’t was blasting inside the thinly walled portable. They were throwing their arms and shaking their legs in a surprisingly well-coordinated dance. As soon as it got to the chorus Lance starts twerking for real this time. Allura tries to keep up but she’s not doing so well in the breathing department. Fucking kids these days. Coran was probably going to either get fired soon or die from overexposure to this toxic ‘radiation’. He grumbles as such.

Lance was getting low, low, low and was fancy dancing all over the place. Allura was half way between Whaddup I’m In Da Club Liek and dying from her own lack of breath and too much laughter. Shay keeps shouting something about not letting your memes just be in your dreams. Hunk was trying to discourage Shay’s new staggering propaganda and switch off the speakerphone. Pidge decided she was recording whatever she could get in frame on her holopad for later blackmail. Coran lays back in his office chair and lets his kids have their stupid young fun. And Keith, Keith was just completely entranced watching Lance move like the absolute hot and sexy God he was in his beanie, tight white tee, jean shorts and black leggings and-. Oh crap, that sounds kind of gross. That’s your friend there Keith. Get it together man! He closes his eyes and tries to calm himself down.

Another drink makes its way out from the old and tattered space themed backpack and snapped open. Take a fucking sip babes, alright? He loves his children very much but Shiro is such tired, tired man. Okay? Okay.

-

"Pidge you should come with me next time. They have a special section just for kids with butterfly chairs." A hard thud sounds under the table. Across from her Shiro grunts over the rim of his can and she mumbles a quick 'Not for you, sorry' and glares at Allura.

Keith was just reclined on the back of the chair ignoring them for the most part. He checked through his snap streaks with his left hand and made sure his chairmate didn't lean too far one way and crush his legs with his right hand. Lance had a special talent for that, he found out well before a week in. Currently, they were now several months into this arrangement and gayer things have happened so no one was going to bother batting an eye at either of them.

It surprisingly worked out well between the two of them. Since Lance liked to hunch forward onto the table and Keith didn't even bother to ever _use_ the table, they were kind of scouched back quite a bit farther from its edge than everyone else. Lance sitting more on his thighs rather than his actual lap.

Lance had been chatting across the table with Allura about a new nail salon just down the street from here. Apparently, it was cheaper there and the quality didn't drop too much so she's been transitioning over there.

She thrusts her hands back and forth, letting them glimmer in the faulty lighting, "Lookie, they have these cute and special lion designs! I got a different colour for each nail."

Lance makes a cooing sound and reaches towards her with grabby hands, "Well now I _definitely_ have to come and see for myself."

Keith feels the sudden shift but doesn't think too much of it at first and just shuffles a bit over to accommodate. It wasn't until Lance was leaning way over that it really got his attention.

"Lance, I swear to god if you bust my kneecap you're paying for my hospital bills." He threatens.

Lance scoffs over his shoulder, "Calm down edgelord. I'm just trying to look at Allura's nails." He wiggles on his thighs again and Keith looks up to make sure he's not going to topple off and that's where shit hits the fan. He honestly doesn't know if that was a blessing or horrible move on his part.

Now, Keith knows that Lance has some effortlessly great fashion. Honestly, his outfits are probably all planned and picked out two weeks before he wears them. Which just sounds long, boring, and stressful to Keith but damn if he doesn't look good. Today he had on some simple white tennis, baby blue low riding skinny jeans, and an orange henley that looked almost skintight and a tad short by quite a few fingers. Most likely because he knew for a fact that it was several years old by now. There was a slip of golden tan skin showing under it that may or may not catch Keith's eyes every once in a while when Lance wears it.

And all of that is perfectly fine on a normal day but today is not that day. Oh no, because Keith could see _something_ pulled above Lance's jean’s waistline, running right over each side of his, mmmm, strong hips and that _something_ was a soft and pretty cherry red. It stood out against his skin like a beaut. And being a very gay man, Keith is trying to call up God, have a moment with him, and ask him what the entire flippen' flyin' fuck my man. _'Fuck, fuck, fuck...'_ He almost says it out loud.

That something is obviously a thong but Keith is deciding to ignore that fact right now. Yup, just ignoring that. Look away eyeballs, a long ways away. We're not going to look at your dear friend's choice of underwear. Especially not when their cute ass is sitting on your lap. No matter how good it looks.

Wait, no, bad Keith. Bad, bad, bad. You need to remember his ass is boney. Very painfully boney. And ugly. Don't need Little Keith problems because you can’t control yourself.

Yeah, no, this definitely isn't going to work for long. Keith is a sad and weak man.

He tries his best to pretend away what was bluntly stuck in his line of sight in every possible direction. I mean he could just look straight up and avoid all of it, but someone’s going to notice him acting like he’s trying to kill the man upstairs with a single emo glare. Which is actually something he wants to do now.

Sadly for him, Little Keith was waking up so Keith knows now that God isn’t real.

_Hooooo boy._

-

"How do we always get ditched?"

"Welp, we got ditched by Hunk because of his boo, Pidge takes the bus which is long and stupid, and Allura is being a greedy bitch by hogging Shiro and her car, which means we’ll have to hike home in the hot hot sun together. Not a very good gentlelady is she-“

Keith rolls his eyes, “She can flip you over herself and break your neck in five seconds. I’m not sure if that counts as gentle.” He gets side checked by Lance.

“Housh Keith! I’m monologuing my death sentence over here.” Lance dramatically waves his arms around in the air and takes a big bouncy step off the curb onto the parking lot.

Keith rolls his eyes at him and fixes the jacket he had hurriedly thrown on. What the fuck was Lance talking about it being hot? It’s the fourth week of November and finals were coming by fast. Actually, now that he thought about it, why was Lance even wearing such lightweight clothing? “It’s butt fuck cold out, dumbass. Where’s your jacket?”

Lance giggle at Keith's weird use of 'butt fuck'. “ _Well-_ ,” Keith shook his head teasingly at him, “I was kind of stealing Hunky-Poo’s sweatshirt for my morning classes, so now I don’t have anything to keep my cold, dead heart warm.” They’re walking down the sidewalk behind the school towards the nice neighborhoods. Passing by the sports layouts.

“Why didn’t you take one of your own this morning?”Keith asks sensibly.

Lance whines, “It wasn’t cold this morning!” He hip bumps him away, almost sending him into the fence around the track field.

Keith rebounds to shove him back a little with his shoulder, "You're a dumbass." Lance mocks him back like the child he is. They travel futher past all the sport fields.

“Speaking of the cold. It felt like you needed a cold shower of your own earlier, my man.” Oh. My. God.

“Kuhhhhhhhhh-ill me. Please.” Lance laughs loudly and almost trips as he stumbled forward. He’s crumpling on himself like paper as he claps his hands, barely keeping together.

“Oh Keith, my very, very great, dear, and near bestie-“ Lance's head bounces back up with tear shining in his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up!” Keith yells at him.

Lance hold his hands above his heart in a tremble, “I will always hold this close to my heart-“

Keith groans so loudly, “I fucking hate you.”

Lamce giggles, “I wuv you too, boo.”

Keith rubbed his palm into his eyes. He was really tired okey. Because he is. Shut up Lance, stop laughing!

“I can’t believe you got a boner. I didn’t even get to give you a lap dance this time!” Lance prances about, avoiding Keith's slaps and punches. Ugh, he’s giggling like some kind of pre-pubescent schoolgirl, gross.

“Fuck you! I’m not the one who’s wearing a thong, Lance.” Lance snorks at him. Yes, an actual snork, not a snort. Keith is disgusted in himself; how did he think his face was ever even remotely cute? ' _Probably because it is pretty cute, even now as it contorts into his stupid and cute ‘Oopsie!’ face-'_  but that’s not the point right now!

“Oh fuck, _you can see that_?” Lance starts twisting around trying to see his own butt like some kind of excitable pupper. He comes to more of a stop after a few seconds, facing Keith again, grabs his waistline and hops up in place to yank his jeans higher. “Jesus dude, I can’t believe I flashed you like that. Would’ve been a bit better if your little show was on purpose, huh? Telling ya right now it would have been a lot more sexy!” He wiggles his hips and shimmes his shoulders.

Keith’s face could not have been any more on fire right now. He back swats at Lance’s arm and makes weird passive-aggressive noises at him. Lance swats him back with his own collective noises.

Keith starts screaming at him, “You stop that!”

“Why? I get immense joy from this!” Lance laughs like the entire wolrd was having the best day ever. And it kind of felt like it in Keith chest.

-

It’s barely even been a week later and they’re already back to this shithole event.

At this end of the table, we have _Hunnnnk_! “If you just used the regular generator it would be easier to implement the codes and not to mention you can actually replace parts on it!”

And at the opposite end, _Coraaaan_! “Okay, so, I get what you’re saying, but, Teladuves are way better! You can process the code faster and go farther, my boy.” Coran was arguing with Hunk about some kind of robot vehicle doohickeys again. Pidge was quickly writing down both sides pros and cons. Allura was nodding along with Coran, because you have to support the family. These three really took these discussions seriously. Today it all got so heated they even managed to drag in Shiro to rant on about that even if the programming is up to speed, can the skeletal body keep up with all the demands without snapping its own cords?

Lance was sleepy and getting tired out from all this science STEM nonsense and not to mention the finals from earlier today. He wiggled around a bit so he was more snuggled into Keith. He was super warm and soft so double win for him. They had been wrapped together for the past hour with one of Lance’s arms around Keith’s shoulders and both of Keith’s tied against the circle of Lance’s waist.

Keith could feel Lance paw lightly at his right hand and as soon as he loosened it Lance threads his free hand’s fingers through. Something they both have been doing in what felt like a more intimate way. They had even been stealing more than a few quick kisses from each other throughout the past week. Everytime there was that feel good warth inside of Keith.

Lance moves his hand lower against his hip and rested his head on top of Keith’s gently. They both lay there listening to everyone debate. Lance taps his fingers on top of his loose jeans to some hidden beat. Hunk suggests calling Matt and bringing him into this as well and that makes Allura groan with her head thrown over the edge of her chair. This seriously just might be the worst Battle of the Nerds they’ve had yet. Thankfully it doesn’t seem it’s going to escalate too much further than this.

Lance’s fingers twitched a bit more around until finally, they start picking at something. Keith’s guess is that Lance had an itch somewhere and has been doing his own mental battle against it. He lets Lance pull his hand along with the motions, seeing as he didn’t want to let go yet either. Keith lets his eyes drift to better feel Lance’s breathing and enjoys the softness of it all. Lance whispers something stupid about their arguing and it get Keith to chuckles with a hum. He kisses Lance's neck, happy he could just do this whenever he felt like it. He never thought being in a relationship with someone as goofy as Lance could be so nice and wonderful and-  _Oh goddamnit, Lance. Why is my hand in your pants?_

As he is forced, _forced he says!_ , to feel up Lance's side, soft skin and even softer lace, he's finding himself in a fucking dilemma. Lance is the worse person to date.

But... he does have to admit those are some soft lacy panties though. Like really soft. Little Keith certainly doesn’t seem to mind them at all either. Especially not when Lance wiggles more prominently on his lap.

Lance does his best as kissing at his ear, "Like 'em?" Mmmm, no comment.


	2. But Keith, You Are My Chair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some more random fun with the gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more note points about this universe
> 
> -Shay and Hunk can say fuck whenever they want n u cnt change mah mind about  
> -Pidge is a demon confirmed  
> -Lance is stong but also delicate? Idk how but he naturally became like that so yes he bootiful  
> -Lotor is a GOOD FRIENDtm  
> -Lotor and Allura are cousins? Childhood friends? Something like that  
> -On another note, Hagger is also better (and so are sendak n Haxus blah blah blah)  
> -Author has a Hard Time describing sexual desires (hey I’m Ace whadda want?)  
> -Matt being “bi n ready 2 die” ain’t that far off, whoops

Oh my god, the nightmare to end all nightmares is literally prancing outside in the hallway being a fucking doofus. He looks so stupid. Who lets this kid leave home? Like ever? _For anything?!??_

Keith has to cover his mouth with the palm of his hand and bite down on it to physically keep his dying laughter in. Quite a few students were eyeballing the large window attached to the side of the classroom door for the same reason he was. Keith barely pays any attention to his lesson.

“Okay guys, I know we just got back from break but we need to focus!” A clap pronounces the word ‘focus’, “These equations are all on the EOC and we only have a few more months to review them. I know we can all do this if we just put the effort in!” Keith lets his eyes drift back to the floaty Chem III teacher who was actively trying to get everyone to pay attention. Her directives were definitely not working, but as long as she didn't notice the true distraction in the hallway, who really cared? Definitely not Keith.

Keith glances back towards the commotion and watches as his dear friend and boyfriend do a fucking cartwheel past door in the hallway. He can hear that the people around him are also trying their best to keep in their sniggers and giggles. Lance comes right back into view with a backflip that almost makes Keith flinch and bark into another fit of laughter as his legs get too close to the ceiling and the loud thud of his landing sounds and rebounds throughout the empty hall. Damn those gorgeous long ass leggies, good for so many things.

Eventually, the teacher stops as she finishes getting through all the example problems and lets the students run off to do the rest on their own. With a poorly hidden laugh concealed as a couple coughs, Keith slides over to one of the science tables next to the door to watch Lance dance n’ jiggy around a bit more.

There were tears he could feel pressing against his eyes as he watched Lance start doing whatever this weird and new dancing trend was. It looks ridiculous and if Keith had to guess it was probably made up by a nine year old. Fucking jumping, kicking, and then fisting the sky, really? Is this what we've downgraded to as humans in dance culture? Unbelievable.

Lance is quick to double down in his own ridiculous self-awareness and laughter. He stumbles to lean onto the glass plane and waves spastically at Keith, then waves his hand towards himself. Keith nods with a dopey smile, grabs his bag, and slowly pushes in the door’s handle as he watches the teacher. She looked to be too wrapped up in helping a kid who was actually trying to pass the class, so he nudges the door ajar gently and lets Lance swing it to open the rest of the way silently for him.

None of the other students do anything to stop or reveal them besides a couple making funny hand gestures and charades to tease them, so they get to closing it as quick and soundless as possible. Once that was over with Lance threads his hand in Keith's and yanks them down the hall to the first floor, then the west wind, and lastly out the side cafeteria exit towards the portables. They’re laughing the whole way there as they jog.

Keith shakes his head for the millionth time, “I cannot believe you seriously performed Hamilton in front of my science class for ten minutes.” Lance gaffed at him.

With a flamboyant hip bump, he asked, “Well if you can't believe it, what would you call that then?” His face looks even more stupid (and kissable), all exaggerated with pouty lips and an arched brow.

He doesn’t even hesitate in his reply, “A fucking hipster looking dork who needs to stop using the hallways as his dance studio.” That gets him good.

“Gasp,” Keith snorts at how he says the word instead of performing it, “I'll have you know that everywhere is my dance studio! And _these_ are not hipster,” Lance gestures at his ‘not hipster’ clothes, “they're just ripped skinny jeans, a sweater, and my ol’ blue scarf!” Lance throws his scarf tail over his shoulder with so much gusto. It’s literally like Old Tilly’s, _or whatever they’re called_ , barfed on him.

“So, hipster then.” Lance squawks and pushes Keith with his elbow while Keith just laughs and laughs and laughs.

Fortunately, they make it to Coran’s room with only a tad more shoving and just walk in the unlocked class. Thank the Lords that their favorite fake uncle had no seventh period, thus letting them able to barge in whenever they could manage to slip from class.

As they each dump their backpacks, Lance glances around the empty portable, “Lookie lookie mi pookie, someone's not here to scold us.” He shimmes his shoulders at Keith and he rolls his eyes at Lance but steps close enough to lay his hands on his hips.

He leans up against his lips, “Lucky us. Nice how we have all this sudden free time to ourselves.” Lance smirks back at him and draws them over to the back table.

He lets Keith sit down first in their seat and then Lance climbs onto his lap, facing him, and lays his arms over Keith's shoulders. They both press together chest to chest with Lance brushing through Keith's ponytail and Keith rubbing Lance's back softly.

Lance giggles as his face is suddenly assaulted by little Keith kisses, "Hey babe, I guess I can say you missed me?" His boyfriend just pulls him closer onto his lap, if that's even possible, with a happy hum. Lance decides to hold his face still and get a real kiss out of him, making Keith sigh even louder underneath him.

Maneuvering his hands to the hips in front of him, Keith slipped his thumbs down his waistline and drifted over Lance's hip bones lightly. Lance sighs in his mouth, arcing into it as Keith massages right there softly. They kiss for a few moments more and they can vaguely hear a bell. Keith loved hearing the small noises from their lips smacking and little mewls Lance always makes. Also denying any accusations on his part from Lance when he says that Keith makes plenty of his own in the process.

They've been at it for several minutes when he could start to feel Lance sliding his hands across arms to Keith's wrists and tugging them around, under, and down until he could feel skin. Soon his fingers were dipping even lower by Lance's hips and Keith could feel the strip of fabric today's magical adventure brings in Marble’s Magic Funhouse. He takes the hint and weaves his fingers around it and tugs on it a little to tease the man above on his lap. Lance whines and gives a slow roll up against Keith who excitedly meets him back.

Lance runs his hands up Keith's arms and memorizes them like he's going make a goddamn map of them, and he honestly just might. Lean forearms, and strong thicc biceps, then to his sturdy shoulders. He really enjoys how smooth and soft his skin was as he slipped a hand under the back of Keith's shirt collar. Rubbing out a knot with the palm of his hand, Lance also wants to pull off the annoyingly black ‘biker’ jacket Keith was wearing today, but he already had his hands tied up with Lance's own clothes down below.

Keith licks up Lance's lips and nips the bottom one, Lance responds with opening to meet him just as ecstatically. They tilt heads and moan. Lance runs his hands up his neck to his face to cup Keith’s cheeks, rubbing his thumbs over his jaw, and neck, and eyes. He was really getting into it, but it is not his fault! Keith's super into it too and he was the one who's groping his hips and a little of his ass! (a lot of his ass but Keith is not telling anyone that) Internally, Keith knew they were going to have to draw the pretty soon and stop, because he did not want to get caught trying to feel each other up on school property.

"Jesus, fucking, _Christ_. I think I’m going to throw up-" Like that. Lance sags with a muffled sob, refusing to leave Keith's nice lips all alone. Keith himself fixes the problem and pulls away to blush and scowl at a haughty Pidge. Lance sags more and squishes his head into Keith's neck with another groan.

Tsking, Pidge wags a finger in their _disgusting_ direction, "Lance was only sick for one day and you two are already sucking face and ready for sum fuk. Truly disgraceful." she shakes her head down at them dramatically.

Keith grabs a spare pencil off the table and chucks it at Pidge, "Fuck off, gremlin." She bats it out the air and dumps her backpack onto the designated bag table. She gives the both of them a nasty look.

After a few seconds, Pidge begrudgingly takes her seat next to the couple, "How did you two get here so fast anyway? You guys are usually one of the last ones to get here, Lance especially." Lance himself looks up Keith’s neck to turn towards her.

He sticks his tongue at her, "We skipped class because we’re the one percent- ow!" Lance jumps as something pings his head. He looks around the carpet floor to see whatever the hell hit him, rubbing out a stupid bump. It's a fucking crushed energy drink.

Shiro’s standing in the open doorway now, "Stay in school kids or you'll get jumped in jail." He blows a kiss at bird he gets.

"Shiro, you skipped like half of your classes in freshman year." Keith reminds his brother.

"Shut your mouth, brat." Lance tries to swat at him to protect his boo, even though he was definitely too far away to land any hits, and Pidge snickers at her idiotic friends. Shiro grumbles something under his breath that vaguely sounds like "attached at the hip, I swear"

Keith pulls Lance back close to him, not proving him incorrect, and drops his arms around his boyfriend's waist. "Where's Allura? You two are always attached at the hip too."

Shiro snaps open a new cap that seems to have appeared out of thin air, "I dunno, with Lotor or something.” He make shis way to his seat. “She had like a test she was called in for, probably Haggar, and after, Prince Loser said he wanted to drag her to some junk n' trinket shop."

Lance leans over backwards on the table to look at Shiro questionly, "You mean his mom's home office?" Not even listening, Keith’s mouth promptly salivates at that taunt stomach that peaks through thanks to Lance’s flexibility.

Shiro shrugs, "Same diff, kiddo."

Pidge snorts, "Yeah okay, like your room is any different, dad."

Keith pips up in a weirdly deep voice that fits a 'prestigious' critic better than for a horrible Shiro impression, "Uh, that's, an artistic choice. It's called, Dad Is Not Dead. It's a self-reflection based off of the astounding Oscar awarded film, God's Not Dead Two. No, not the first, that one sucks ass." Lance and Pidge laugh.

Shiro gives him an embarrassed death glare, "I do not know what you are talking about _Yorak_. All I do know is your massive childhood boy crush for JB in Got7. You are a fucking weaboo."

Keith slams his hand on the table, having to reach around Lance for the dramatics. “How fucking dare you, Takashi.” He and Shiro have a glaring contest as the other two choke on air.

Lance gasps at his boyfriend like a mock happy puppy dog. He grabs Keith’s face and wrenches it close to his own and goes on a rant, "You liked _whooo_? How long did you crush on him? Is he your first love? Do you still love him?” Lance is giggling by now and Keith can feel the searing heat travel from his face to his shoulders like a horrible sunburn. “Did you buy and hang up his posters? Did you daydream about kissing him all lovesick? Oh my god, was he your gay awakening?” Keith immediately breaks eye contact. Wrong move. “ _Babe, oh my god, was he?_ I have to call everyone, right now.” Lance turns to Pidge and she nods spastically, “Right now!”

Keith tries to wiggle his way out from under Lance, "Alright, my time has come. I must journey to Mount Doom and throw myself in." But Lance refuses to let his cutie pie boyfriend do such a thing.

Coran finally walks in on this weird commotion. Keith thought he would be saved but he is once again wrong, "Why are you so gay and sad, my son." That gets everyone to burst out laughing and Keith to groan loudly.

Eventually, they all settle down and gather around the table. With more room than usual, Coran joins Shiro's side to take up more table surface for himself. Lance fixes himself so his back is to Keith's chest and flops his forearms onto the table to pillow his head with a groan while Keith has to remind himself not to feel up his boyfriend in front of company.

"I know why Allura's dead today, but where's Hunk?" Lance whines.

Pidge shoves him off her square of space, "He's picking up his girlfriend first today, remember?"

"My Sunshine," Lance whines again.

"my soulmate, my boo," Pidge shoves him more just to get him to stop.

"my Hunkalicious?"

"Lance, oh my god-"

"My Hunk-ah-McLovin!" Coran shakes his head with a chuckle and Keith could have sworn he saw Shiro’s eyes roll way too far into his brain. But he was also pretty sure that was because he's been consuming way too much of his Death Potion every day.

Suddenly yelling, as brought to you by our favourite pure boy, “I'm not dead! I brought the lovely Shay, so Shay say hi to these ass- friends. Friends.” Hunk bursts in with Shay in hand. Shay waves and greets them with a much more controlled, “Hello ass friends!” Everyone greets the two back.

Lance almost flips himself off his seat on Keith, “Oh my god, boyinaband is that you?”

They drop their bags by the door and Hunk looks at Lance, “What? No, Boyinaband is super inconsistent. You still listen to him like a sad pupper though, huh?”

Lance sniffs delicately at Hunk, “:,(“

Coran makes the face of a parent smelling their two year old’s old overflowing diaper, “Lance my boy, did you just say ‘colon, comma, begin parenthesis’?” Lance ignores him and the paper ball Coran throws at his head.

Pidge skips over Lance and glares straight at Keith, “You're dating a two-week-old Mcchicken patty.” Keith shrugs because it's basically true.

Lance pouts and vows to sit and break Keith's kneecap before five o'clock, so how ‘bout dat mudafucka. Apparently not the best plan of action, because Keith quickly pinches Lance’s sides and drags him off his knees to his thighs as soon as Lance relinquishes his grip on the table to squeal. So Lance settles for elbowing his boo to make a booboo.

Shiro lets Shay take his spot and scoots over one with Coran and all the seats are filled again. Lance demands Shay to catch him up on the latest of her run on Steven Universe. He had made her watch it one day when Pidge invited herself and Lance into Hunk’s house and wanted to see how far in love she was with the show. The answer was a definite “Hell yeah!”.

He fist pumps, “Yes!”

-

It may be crowded as fuck and smell like carbonated milk in here, but god damn if Lance wasn't going to finish this rad ass Dutch braid before the bell. He's a man on a mission. A misson impposible misson. Now if only there wasn't the annoying presence of-

“The Pidge is crabby when they have no food.” Yeah, that. Lance pauses on braiding Shay’s hair to throw a brow up at Pidge.

“The Pidge needs substance if they are to rule the world.” Shay giggles at the narrating gremlin. “Feed the Pidge now or perish.”

“If the Queen Pidge wants food then they should go to the snack line.” Pidge huffs at the stupidity of Shay’s thought process.

“It is True Emperor and Ruling Governess Pidge-Katherine, not Queen Pidge, you peasant. Also, I deserve the mainline food at worst.” Lance kicks Pidge under the table, enjoying the look of pain and grumbling annoyance.

He finishes off the left side bottom of Shay’s hairdo with a tiny rubber hair band, “If True Emperor wants to stay as Emperor then they should have to keep their subjects loyal for the good cause, _Your Absolute Highness_.” He mocks.

Pidge squirms in her seat and flops on top of her folded arms, whining like the child she is. “Lance hurry up, you fuck. I want food.”

“Go without me. You're a big girl now, aren't you? Look at you, almost twelve.” He looks at Pidge, “They grow up so fast!” She narrows her eyes at him and his cooing with a massive pout.

“The Pidge demands chicken nuggets to satisfy and a friend to chase away bad feeling that spawns from the unknown entities.” Shay nudges Lance away from the second section of hair he was beginning to fix up. He nudges her back but already knows he's lost this fight.

Lance rolls his eyes and makes grabby hands across the lunch table at Pidge’s head. “Give.”

She narrows her eyes beyond slits, which makes her look more like a sleepy demon, and does nothing. Lance is willing to play this game, he is no bitch baby in any staring contests. Shay shakes her head at both of their ridiculousness, “Just give it to him Pidge. You want demon food and Lance wants the flower crown, just go already.” Ah, so she agrees with him about Pidge being a demon. Nice to know.

Pidge squirms around more until she finally stops and chucks the ring at Lance’s face. He puffs his chest up in triumph. Pidge mirrors him in mock sarcasm. Lance sticks his tongue out and ignores the returning offense for delicately placing the crown on his own head.

“Alright Lancelot, let's get some fucking nachos already.” He stands with Pidge and waits for her to walk around the long tables before questioning her. “I thought you wanted the chicken nuggets?”

She shrugs and swipes her ID from Shay's waiting hand. “I always want chicken nuggets but they are not in the stars for Dylan.” Lance and Shay look at each other with incredulous eyebrow raise, like any of that was supposed to make sense. Lance rolls his eyes again and walks with Pidge to the lunch line, looking fly ‘n fabulous in his precious flower crown.

Shay giggles as she watches them flounce over to the end of the line like the complete dorks they were. She’s fingering and playing with the section Lance was trying to start on before he left when the sudden weight of a hand anchors on her shoulder.

“ _Ah, fu-_ udge!“ Shay whips around to her left quickly, “Keith, my goodness, don't do that.” She whisper-yells at him.

He lifts his hand away quickly with an apology, “Sorry, forgot how scared you get.”

She puffs her chest out and blows her hair out of her face in a melodramatic manner, very reminiscent of how Lance would. “I'm not scared! You're just a jerk, Keef.” He scoffs at that stupid nickname and sits on the seat to the left of Shay.

“What’re you doing down here anyway? You have A Lunch, not C.” She pokes him hard in the shoulder like a disappointed mom. Which she basically is.

Kicking his bag under the table, he also lays out an office note in front of her, “Got called up to the APs for some dumbass in my second period. Apparently, he threatened the teacher by ‘accident’ so they're trying to ‘conduct a student body inspection’ with us as witnesses to see what the ‘appropriate plan of action’ is.” Keith air quotes his words.

Shay’s eyes widen, “Are you serious?” He nods and leans on the table with his left elbow.

“I think it's pretty funny,” He takes the light punch from Shay with a laugh, “because at first, I thought I was the one who's fucked. Everyone's ‘ooh’ing like we're all still in kindergarten and I'm panicking while writing my will out in my head.” Shay chuckles at that one.

“But this dude is always doing stupid shit though, so I have no doubt he'll be suspended.” Shay shakes her head at him. “Don’t even need an investigation really.”

Shay nods, “Okay, so you're out of class for that. Why are you _here_ here though? There's still ten minutes left.” She checks her phone just to be sure.

Keith shrugs nonchalantly, “There’s only ten minutes left.”

She scoffs with a scrunched nose, “Okay, fair enough.”

They hear a loud screech from one of the lunch lines that gathers most of the cafeteria’s attention for all of four seconds. Shay stands to glance above the other lunch patron's heads. “Jesus, that's Lance.” Keith laughs along with her, because of course it is. They snicker and wait for Lance and Pidge to get back with their food.

When they do get back Lance looks like a mildly annoyed cat, bleping cutely down at his shirt. ”I can't believe you spilled chocolate milk on my white shirt! Do you know how much effort it takes to wash anything in my house? You’ve lost my vote for Supreme Ruler.” He pokes Pidge between her brows and she goes in with a nasty lick to his hand.

“Ew, Pidge!” She threatens to lick him again and wades her way to the other side of the table, plopping onto her seat criss-cross applesauce.

Keith laughs at their antics and Lance notices their new guest. “Keith, hello.” Keith stares at his boyfriend’s sassily raised brow and tapping foot.

Ah fuck, he’s already done something. “Hello to you too?” He smiles like he’s innocent.

Lance leans heavily right on top of him making Keith grunt. “You took my spot!” He uses the ‘lick their cheek’ tactic Pidge just pulled to wig him out. Doesn’t seem to work so well on Keith.

Keith snorts and pushes him back on his feet. “Doesn’t matter, I’m here now!” They look at each other with a challenge in their eyes.

Lance instantly grabs for Keith’s arm and starts dragging him back as far as he could, Keith grabs the edge of the table and a bar underneath it with all his strength. Their combined efforts manage to uproot the table from its placement and everyone on either side of them give them dirty looks or sudden loud screams.

Lance takes a second to rest before planting his feet better and moving his hold to Keith’s torso, “You are so lucky I'm wearing sandals today!” He yanks again.

Keith laughs at his boyfriend’s roughhousing, “Really? I thought it was just because you’re weak.” Oh, how dare he bad mouth Lance’s strength. He goes right back to tugging.

“Holy fuck, can you guys stop being dip-shits for two seconds!” Shay snorts at Pidge’s screaming and violently shushes her to stop bringing attention to them. If the teachers decided to come over she wanted no part of this mess.

After Lance realizes Keith’s moving nowhere- his weightlifting and major lack of a sweet tooth be damned- Lance lets go with a pant. He knees Keith in the side with nothing less than gently love. Just as long as you ignore that Keith is doubled over in pain on the table’s surface.

“Fuck, you really do have legs of steel.” Keith groans as he rubs his side tenderly.

“Yes I do, now make room for me jackass.” Keith twists to face Shay giving room to him and Lance begrudgingly takes the offer to sit in his lap. “Why is it always me without a seat, huh?” He faces Pidge across the table and throws his left arm over Keith’s shoulders.

Pidge bleps and throws him some birds. “Pidge, you fuck-“

“Pidge, be nice to Lance, he’s only an incapable baby.” Lance glares at Shay’s oh so innocent smile as the other two giggle like buffoons.

He sniffs angrily, “I demand better friends and I revoke Keith’s boyfriend card.”

Keith rubs his nose in Lance’s neck, “Aw c’mon, baby.“ Wow, he even broke out the petnames. How manipulative.

Lance refuses any eye contact. Man are those ceiling tiles looking great today or what? “No.”

He boops Lance again. “But you’ll miss out on my ‘sweet ass, chico lindo’.” He references Lance from earlier that day. Pidge fake gags on her food and Shay giggles.

“You’re just in it for the make outs and panties, Keith. I fucking _know_ it.” Pidge actually does choke on her plain chips this time. Which ew, she nasty. At least get cheese.

“You- esophagus. Need air!” She hammers her chest until she has it under control again, “Lance, for the love of god, why would you put that horrid, ugly, disgusting image in my brain hole?”

Shay practically wilts onto the table, “This is truly a part of you I never expected to see, dear god.” Bless her poor, poor heart.

Lance throws around his hands as if that alone could rack up a counter-argument, “Um, no! Who do you take me for, a kinky lonely guy?”

“Kind of-“ Needless to say, Keith was nailed directly in the face. Nice choice of words there, buddy.

“I expected more from you. You’re the one eating Taco Bueno with this so-called ‘kinky lonely guy’ on Saturdays.” Lance gives him the stink eye.

Pidge groans and rubs her fists as deep into her skull as humanly possible, “Fuck, I’m gonna- I need bleach.” Lance flicks a wrapped up straw cover at her face.

“Guys, look,” He wiggles about, waking Little Keith up just a tad, and reaches for his pants, waking him up even more, “I don’t wear panties!” Pidge screeches again and tosses her milk at him.

Lance cursed the day he gets pelted by milk _twice_ in one hour, “Ah, stop! Seriously, just look, Pidge.” He pulls out the top of his underwear to show off blue briefs covered in small stars and cute spaceships. Little Keith doesn't know whether to be disappointed or amused.

She settles down but still looks disdainfully at him, “Oh, you’re right. I guess.”

Lance nods, “Mmhmm-“

“What’s more important now is the fact that you wear children’s underwear.” Lance chucks the milk back at her and screeches childishly.

“I do not, you goblin! Keith, stop cackling.” Lance pinches him in the love handles.

Lance pulls his briefs back up again to show to Shay, “Do these look like children’s underwear? You can be honest Shay, but your decision is definitely going to change my view of you.”

“Uh, well, I do think they’re cute?” Lance huffs exaggeratedly but accepts it nonetheless.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Lance snaps his underwear back and looks at the towering AP hovering behind him, Keith and Shay. Pidge chortles to herself across the table.

Lance drags out an off guard ‘uhh’ for a moment, “Mrs. Marquez, just a Social Experiment.” Yeah, that's what he's going with.

The AP crosses her arms. “Do we really need to bring you down and call your mother, McClain or can you resituate yourself?”

“No! No, no no no, I’m good. I can behave.” He smiles sweetly and for an added effect he raises his arms as a horizontal platform and tilts his head on it. “I’m not your favourite for nothing.”

She huffs with a little humor in her tone, “Don’t act like you’re any better than your siblings. I can promise the entire staff will celebrate when the last of you McClains finally graduate.” And then she walks away.

“Hey, I’m the blessing and you know it!” Lance yells at her retreating back, but she waves it off. “She loves me.”

Keith butts Lance’s shoulder, “You’re a real fuck nugget, you know?”

“Oh, I’m the fuck nugget! Have you looked in a mirror, bud?” Lance huffs up again but refuses to be anything less than regal. He fixes his damn crown and demands to be treated as the rightful Queen he is.

-

Up-down five clap, up-down five clap, “Lemonade, crunchy ice,”

“Sip it once, sip it twice,” Up-down five clap, up-down five clap.

Lotor watches these two potheads go back and forth. This hour must be truly the most boring, agonizing, moment in history if this is entertaining to him. The only other noise in here he could hear at the moment was faint snoring from the guy swaddled in a giant red sweater a table over and some dickwad bouncing his knee across the room.

Up-down five clap, up-down five clap, “Lemonade, crunchy ice, made it once, made it twice.” Lance and Allura keep slapping their hands around together in sync with this child’s song. They’ve been at it for almost- a fast glance at the wall clock- ten minutes, going impossibly faster every time they finish the loop. This is the all new low for distractions.

“Lemonade-“ Up-down five clap, up- **_blam_**.

“Jesus fuck! Who threw a textbook?” The damn thing scared the bejeezus out of all three of them. Although Lotor’s honestly more surprised that the sleeping kid didn’t hear it. Wait, is he even breathing… ehhhn, not important right now.

Another two students invite themselves over to The Table of Extreme Boredom. One in a chair next to Lotor and the other perched on a single-desk’s arm. “Do you guys always do this? The sitting around in Haggar’s class with nothing to do until she comes punish you, I mean.”

Allura falters a lot in her hand movements but manages to keep the pace going while Lance struggles to ignore Sendak across the table with a tight face. Lotor is the one to visually show the most repulsion by scooting his chair around to the end side.

“Either here or D-Hall.” Lotor picks up and slams the textbook back on the table so no one trips over it later, “Besides, this is the punishment.”

Sendak groans and slumps back in the creaky seat, “I need to punch something.” His friend Hax starts throwing a ball at the wall repeatedly. Man, there’s a lot of kids with weird names in this school.

There are no more interruptions from those two, thank the magic sky daddy up there. Lance and Allura decide to shake things up a bit and throw in the Patty Cake game along with Lemonade.

Up-down five clap, clap five-clap, “Lemonade, patty cake, sip it once, bakers man,” They watch each other slowly form around the syllables together and try to resist laughing at how weird it sounded whenever they changed the melody to fit the lyrics.

Their hands also twitched every time they had to remember to jump to the next chant and clap, “sip it twice, bake me a cake, crunchy ice, as fast as you can.” Up-down five clap, clap five-clap. Lotor smiles at their bad attempt to keep the songs from merging beats.

Lance miss claps a part and Allura almost punches him in the face, so they fall into another fit of giggles and decide to stop. It gets quiet besides them insistently poking each other over who really messed up.

Hax stops bouncing his ball for a second, “What’re you guys in here for?”

Lance answers instantly, “Skipping, again.”

“Same, got caught red-handed with him.” Allura jabs a thumb at him and hums.

“I’m the son of the witch, so,” Lotor leans backward and brushes his fishtail behind his shoulder, “kind of part of the job description.” He quips sarcastically. His mother may be super protective and overbearing, but he’d rather be here than stuck in real detention for accidentally starting a trash fire. It wasn't _that_ bad, okay?

Lance glances at his snoring angel and jerks a thumb in his direction, “Keith, the guy behind us sleeping his ass away like this isn’t the tundra, is in here for accidentally chucking a carving tool across the art room.” None of them had any doubt it was actually Pidge who did that but tomato-tomato. She knew how to disappear when needed.

Allura sees Lance going for an itch on his face but she swats his hand from. He tries to stop scratching his nose but it’s been hours and it’s itchy and his makeup is old and dry and probably all wiped away anyway by now. She’s a bigger bitch either way.

“It’s not, so stop it.” She gives Lance a crazy warning look. “Your words mean nothing to me Allura!” Poke, poke. She pinches him, he slaps her away.

“Gimme yours, I wanna reapply.” He pokes her more.

She pinches his hands, “No! You’re a lighter tone, so it’s going to be all fucked up. What would be the point then?” They start slap fighting like babies. Oh, now it’s a mini catfight.

Lotor’s eyes sink back far, “Jesus, Lance, just take this one.” He trudges through his bag for it, “It matches you better than Allura’s too.”

“Yas, dame por favor.” He jiggles in his seat.

Allura looks confused, “Wait, where did you get that from? You only use CC cream, cuz.”

“Well, I am too flawless for it,” He shrugs at her, “but Acxa leaves her stuff everywhere. I basically have to act like her personal secretary and her boss. How annoying.”

“Wait, you guys wear makeup?” Sendak butts in confused.

Lotor rests a bunch of random trash on the table as he digs for the concealer. Finally, he pulls out one from his bag. A weird look is thrown to Sendak just aurating ‘duh?’.

“Yeah, I do it to outline my features. Makes me more masculine.” Lance strikes an exaggerated pose, kissy face and all.

Haxus and Sendak do a double take. “Wait how?” Sendak asks purely curious. “Makeup is feminine!”

Lance rolls his eyes, “No, I use it to enhance my facial structure. Like contouring my cheekbones and filling in my brows.

“Plus it covers up all those ugly little scars and acne so bonus!” Lance hums at Lotor’s reasoning.

“The only thing I do that one could consider ‘feminine’,” He air quotes, “is plucking my eyebrows. But who the fuck wants thick-ugly brows anyways?”

“What’re you talking about Lonce, anything and everything thicc is great. It's the rule of thumb.” Allura smirks at him.

Lance anime poses away from her, “Shut up, Allurhoe. You think the virgin sweater is actual fashion. I can’t trust you for advice.”

Allura snorts and face plants onto the table embarrassed, “I was joking about that!” She squeals.

They quiet down enough for Sendak to speak up again, “Isn’t wearing makeup still gay though?”

Allura sighs deeply before bothering to answer him, “Lotor has long hair in a braid, Keith frequently wears ponytails, and I’m wearing not one but two flannels today. But no, makeup. That’s what makes someone gay?”

Hax chuffs at his friend but teasingly covers it with a cough when Sendak aims another hardcover book at him. “Well, I just thought that's what makeup is for. Girls are always doing that.” It's Lance’s turn to groan at Sendak.

“This is a new kind of stupid.” Allura starts singing.

Lotor jumps in, “A damage you can never undo kind of stupid.”

“Let out all the animals from the zoo kind of stupid.” Lance finishes off.

All three join into chorus suddenly, “Truly, you didn’t think through, kind of stupid.” Someone grunts with a sleepy sigh and kicks the back of Lance’s chair, which he quickly returns with “Fuck off, Keith. As honorary space prince, I deserve better than this.”

Actually, wait, now that he thinks about it… Keith is a very important asset to this problem.

Finger gunning Sendak, “Here, I’ll show you what really makes the gay in me go.” Lance hops up and twirls around to Keith laying on his own table. Sendak and Haxus eyeball and follow him with questions in their expressions.

Keith can already sense something's going down and he's definitely being dragged with it. Lance grabs his shoulder and shakes it, Keith shakes his own body back to dislodge him, “Keith, Keithy, Keef. My keithers.”

He hums something low pitched and tired, “Waht? ‘m tryin’ tah sleep here.” Lance wiggles his fingers under his arms that pillowed Keith's head, gently pulling him up.

“C’mon grumpy, wake up for me.” Keith is sat up with a huff and a blind glaze.

Lance sits him all the way back and hops into his lap. Keith used to many afternoons full of this, holds him close so he doesn't tip over somewhere from the lack of perching space. Lance cups his cheeks and rubs his face softly, watching his boyfriend’s cute sleepy purple eyes find his and his pretty lips slip into something only describable as an angry kitten pout. He presses a sweet kiss on his upset face.

“Thank you, Lance. I think that's enough gaying out for now.” Allura flicks her wrist, sending a broken pencil sailing straight at his face.

Keith ignores the utensil thumping the back of his noggin in favour of blinking like a sneezy newborn kitten at Lance and huffs again. “One kiss is not enough reason to wake me up.” He grumbles.

Lance giggles and boops his nose, looking over to Allura with a twinkle in his eyes, “Uh oh, you hear that? I have to intensify the gay.” He pecks Keith's mouth again twice.

“Still not enough.” More smooches are given to him. The more the merrier.

Keith hums in thought for a second. “More.” He demands and Lance fulfills his wish again.

Lotor is the one go chuck an old wadded up coupon at Lance this time, “If you two are done eating one another could you hurry up and use the damn concealer already.” Lance whines with a scrunched nose but reaches over Keith to take it from Allura who had it passed to her by Lotor. Haxus snorts at his laziness.

Lance steals the bottle from Allura, along with her bedazzled pocket mirror, and quickly uncaps it to rub in a thin layer over what needed fixing. Just a few touch-ups here and there. Keith tries to shake his way out from under Lance, but atlas, Lance kept him pinned, “Lance why. I don’t want any of that to rub onto me- _Lance!_ ” He wiggles more when Lance brings a goopy finger close to Keith’s hair. “Oh my god, I swear if you even think about.”

“I am already thinking about it, Keefy. That’s why I’m this close to ya.” Lance says with destruction on his mind.

“Lance, I will break up with you, don’t you test me!” Keith swears at his boyfriend, Lance giggles evilly, Allura begins chanting ‘Do it, do it, do it!’ and Lotor is shaking his head at all three of them, leaving Sendak and Haxus to just sit there terribly confused. Gay people, am I right? No? Okay.

There was a bit of clicking and then the classroom wall slides open, “Hey, quiet down in here! Do I need to remind you that D Hall is still an option?” Mrs. Honerva stands between the pillar and a division wall, peeking in from the room over. Her eyes were furrowed as she pointedly looked over each and every one of them.

They all shake their heads quietly. “Good.” She nods and turns around to the other classroom, “And Lance, get the fuck off of Keith’s lap. You will not have sex in my classroom of all places.” Lotor cackles loudly at his mother’s words to the couple as Keith hides his face in his hoodie and Lance slides of him with a grumble to return to his original seat.

Her last words could be heard from the still ajared wall, “Quiznaking hooligans.”

They all snicker together, much more silent. There's no need to tip off Hagger a second time.

Lance grapples for Keith’s hand since he couldn't sit with him anymore, “Can I try putting you in makeup one day? I wanna see how much prettier you could look.” Keith blushes at that.

“No, fuck you. I'm divorcing.” Lance fakes whines loudly.

“Not even if I give you a special prezy?” Keith refuses to meet his eyes.

“Not even if it's my new fashion statement of the week?” His eye twitches.

“It’s extra super soft this time. Comes with socks, Keith. _Socks!_ ”

Keith gives in because he is a weak, weak bitch. Also because he likes how Lance’s ‘fashion statements’ usually end with a very happy Little Keith. Like insanely happy, if you catch my drift. “What colour?”

“Your colour babe! Except the design is space this time.” Keith smirks in excitement.

“I may be able to push back those divorce papers a few good weeks.” Lance pouts heavily, “A few good years.” He corrects, making Lance smile more now.

“Are we still talking about makeup?” Haxus asks.

Allura taps her nails on the table top, but Lotor is the one to answer, “Not even close, unfortunately.” It was only very fortunate for the two lovebirds.

-

“So what’cha workin' on there, big man?” Lance may have vaguely directed the question to anyone who was listening (cough cough, Shiro, if you're out there buddy, cough) but really it was aimed more at the sweaty hunk in front of him. Lance was just wholesomely content watching Keith’s biceps flex up and down, side to side, back an forth. Mmm, boyfriend watching, his favourite sport.

Keith wipes his face with his forearm and glances back at Lance, “Havin’ to do all the fucking heavy lifting.” Lance could see as much, Keith holding up a big metal, thing. Honestly, who knows what it's supposed to be. It's probably only half finished from all the reports Pidge makes about it.

“I see.” Oooo, yas gurl, seeing is believing and Lance wouldn’t mind praising Keith’s abs as his new religion. The gaging Pidge makes at how obvious Lance is being is still unjustified though. He’s going to look at his man all he wants to, damn it gremlin.

Hunk and Keith continue to lift and move around pieces of junk for the diddly-doo, Coran Pidge and Matt run about to push in different modules and hook up wires to panels, all the while Lance sits back on the school lot’s curb and watches from a safe distance. Knowing the Holt’s ungodly inventions it’s a nice precaution to take.

“Okay, oookay, alright lift it, boys.” Coran directs Hunk and Keith to hold it above as Matt ducks down underneath before they can even set it on their... homemade jacks. Really they just milk crates placed around the contraction, ready to take most of the weight.

Pidge looks over their blueprints they kept on her holopad, guiding Matt around to what needed coding. Coran screws off panels and starts wiring in more chips and a motherboard. Hunk and Keith are sweating from keeping the entire thing alift, muscles bulging as the tilt it this way and that to help suit the needs of whoever.

“Looking good down here! Pidge, do we have the scultrite plates?” Matts yells from underneath, pushing out a wrench but leaving his hand out for the next items.

Pidge goes riffling through a box and pulls out the last of it contents, “Yeah, here ya go.” She kicks the box on its side and pushes it under Hunk’s side of the doo-hickey. “Hunk help me out with this.” Hunk slowly eases his side on the box and leans over with Pidge.

“Ah man, I can’t believe we’re so close! Dude, I’m gonna cry when this is finally done.” Pidge nods along happily with him.

Meanwhile, Keith is still flexing like a pro! Mmmhm, that’s Lance’s boi. Very nice. He can’t help but want to lick the sweat off his body. God, Lance really hit the jackpot, how did no one snatch him up before he could?

He watches his boyfriend’s tense biceps flex as Coran needs him to. Lance bets that Keith could probably throw him around and if that ain’t the hottest thing yet. Yeah, that’s something he’s definitely got to test when they have the time.

A bunch of noises suddenly set off. Something sparks for a second and then a thing shoots out from the side. Ah fuck, what did Lance say! The fucking thing collapses downwards as Matt was working on something underneath it. He ‘oofs’ loudly as Keith and Coran quickly try to keep it up off of him.

“Holy shit, Matt!” Pidge screams something unholy. Everyone’s shooting forward towards poor Matt.

A big cloud of smoke had drifted up from the machinery as something shorts out even more, “Matt, I swear to god if you’re dead I will murder you in the afterlife!” She tries to throw herself into the hot mess but Hunk picks her up and holds her tight. She's tiny; it's whatever.

“Great, you’ve killed another person!” Keith yells. Pidge shoots him a dirty look and almost shoots him with a socket wrench. That was a bit scary. And too close.

With help from Hunk the three of them are able to lift it off of Matt again. Coran quickly feels at its side until he’s able to yank out a cord that cuts the power out to whatever was make that funky smell. They all life as high as they can possibly get it.

There’s a bit of coughing from under it before everyone hears a voice, “I am a-okay! Not dead,” Matt manages to roll out from under the collapsed metal and jump up with a shaky smile and a big thumbs up. Everyone dumps the thing back onto the ground. “the bee’s knees, stayin’ alive, calm down you guys. Your God is not dead.” Ugh! This beautifully dumb idiot. Heaven did the right thing, sending him out.

Lance laughs behind Keith and leans on him tiredly, “If I didn't know better I would say you're trying to give us all heart attacks.”

“He's already given me two this year and it's not even April!” Coran tweaks his mustache with a weary glare at the Holt’s. “I don't want to even begin with Pidge.” She smirks all smug like that's something to be proud of. Fuckin’ maniacs, the lots.

Lance shakes his head at all of them, “The hell kind of machine even is this? I thought you three made stuff to help humanity, not kill it.” Hunk chuckles at Lance.

Coran and Keith help each other set out a jack to push the contraption back up, “Well my boy, if you were a good listener you’d know,”

Lance tries to interrupt but he’s sure Coran is barely listening to him, “I do listen, I just don’t know the fuck your tech words mean.”

Coran just keeps going, “that we’re building a Teledove prototype! It’s going to help in transportation and lessen the stress of fuels. An advanced engine of sorts.” Lance hums at Coran anyways.

Matt groans again and does his best in wiping off all the nasty grime from his shirt and pants, “Not exactly the right look for a lady killer, am I right?” Pidge punches him in the arm hard. He whines.

Coran shakes his head at all of his children and decides it’s late enough as it is, “Alright, guys. I think it’s time to head home, don’t you?” Everyone nods in agreement, the sun was just about ready to set in an hour or two.

Lance bounces over to his Keithy, resting his boyfriend’s jaw in his hands and pecking his nose. Keith tries to get a real kiss from him but Lance swats him away, “Nu-uh, while I do think you’re looking fine like this, you still nasty. You need a shower, babe.” Keith scoffs at Lance.

“But what if I miss my boyfriend? I had to work hard all day, doesn’t that deserve at least some cuddling?” Keith pouts for added effect but Lance is no weak ass bitch.

“Nope,” And of course he had to pop the p, who would he be if he didn’t? “You can suffer alone tonight. You ain’t getting any hanky-panky.” Keith tries to rope Lance in a hug and steal kisses but Lance keeps dodging. Pidge gags so hard she starts hacking. That’s what you get, you tiny demon!

Lance laughs at Pidge’s suffering, “What’s wrong, Pidgeotto? Cat got your tongue?” She gives the both of them birds and Coran politely tells her to cool it.

“I can’t even enjoy my damn robots without you two lovebirds going at it! Don’t you guys have any legitimate hobbies?” Keith and Lance look at each other for a second questionly before two shit eating grins are replaced.

“Nah!” They smile adorably together.

Pidge groans at them both, “Gross.”

“Hey, different strokes for different folks!” Lance winks.

Matt winks back, “Into that special kind of stroking.” That was his mistake. Pidge screams and launches herself at her brother. Hunk does nothing to stop this. This is the end for the blessed orange boi. Goodbye.

Lance laughs at the siblings wrestling on the concrete floor. Matt, while strong in his own way, was no match for Pidge. “Get ‘em Pidgie! Matt, I thought you're supposed to be the superior.” He continues laughing with Hunk and Keith as Pidge starts to gnaw on Matt’s arm.

“Guys! This isn't funny! Please- AH PIDGE!” Matt rolls around so Pidge is pinned under him. She struggles to get a good grip but ultimately settles to her new overlord.

Is this even fanfic anymore? I dunno.

Coran claps to get all their attention, “Alright, you pack of Yelmurs. Go home! I don't want to be responsible for one your deaths. I'd very much like to take a long bath, away from all of you.” He looks all of them over a couple of seconds, drilling it into their heads.

They all giggle like children and pick themselves up. Keith, Hunk, and Pidge help Coran wheel the monstrosity back into a neighboring teacher’s back room in the science wing of the school. Lance and Matt spring a bunch of stupid innuendos each other to waste their time.

Finally, the rest of the crew all get back. Coran lets Number Five and Six hitch a ride in his car, since they all live the furthest away, leaving Lance, Keith, and Hunk to walk home together.

They walk out of the school parking lot with arms all linked, curtsey of Lance demanding to be in the middle. Hunk babbles on about the project, telling Lance the English version of the Holt’s invention for the new STEM Fair in a few months.

“I'm sure they'll get to State with it.” Hunk nods at Lance.

They start conversing about a new topic until they come upon Hunk’s turn. He dramatically turns to Lance bids him a farewell.

“Goodbye, my dear prince!” Hunk bows.

Lance bows with him, “Goodbye, my fellow knight! Be safe on your journey for me.” They both giggle like the dorks they are.

Hunk waves them goodbye and goes on his way. Lance slides his hand down to Keith’s and walks forward again.

“So.” Keith smiles at Lance. His boyfriend pretends not to notice the sparkle in his violet eyes.

“So?” Lance asks.

Keith nudges Lance, “Can I have my kiss yet?”

“Naw.” He nudges Lance again.

“And why not? I wiped myself down. I even waited until Hunk’s prudy butt was gone!” Lance giggles at Keith as he tries to escape his arms ready for cuddling.

“Hmmm… Still nasty.” Keith scoffs and grabs Lance.

“Wait- no! Keiiiiith.” Lance whines. Keith peppers his face, oh so romantically. “Ew, you actually do still feel all sweaty. Step away! _Away!_ ”

Keith grunts as Lance elbows him in the gut, “Bitch.”

Lance sticks his tongue out, “Jerk!” He pushes Keith in from of them, urging him back on the path. “They warned me Satan would be attractive but I remain diligent.” Keith chuckles.

They walk to Keith's house, where they wouldn't be disturbed by loud Spanish screaming or nosey energy drink addicted siblings, Shiro being out with Allura and all.

Lance waits for Keith to unlock his front door, being smelly ain’t for him, follows him through the threshold. They dump their stuff in the din by the couch before heading to Keith’s room.

And hey, if Lance joins Keith on his quick shower, who's to judge?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all u fukk nuggets enjoyed

**Author's Note:**

> You like Lance's ass, don't you Squidward,,,
> 
> I don't know man. I loosely based this off of my Freshman experience. Before you think it and ask- no I did not get laid. Sadly.


End file.
